How to Deal with the Enemy of Your New Habits

Embarking on a new life abroad encourages expat wives to get rid of old habits and introduce new ones. Some of the most common new habits are: healthier eating, getting into shape, studying a                                                     foreign language thoroughly, taking up a forgotten or new hobby, watching less TV, etc.

You might know this feeling: In the beginning, everything is fine. You are determined and dedicated to your new habit. You want to integrate it into your life, but suddenly you fall back into your old routines. This is quite normal. Integrating new habits is hard work. It takes constant focus and concentration. If we don’t have that (and sometimes even when we do), we easily fall back into old patterns, simply because it feels safer and takes far less energy to do.

The problem is not really that we fall back into old habits! The problem is we often turn our back on ourselves when this happens. All our good intentions, all the recognition we have given ourselves, all the progress we have been experiencing while doing well, suddenly cease to exist.

Instead, we become our own enemy by reprimanding and blaming ourselves. As if it wasn’t bad enough that we “failed”, we also feed our wounded ego with negative stories about our incapacities: “I’m weak. I’m pathetic. I’m not good enough. I have no discipline; no patience; no courage,” or [fill in whatever your favorite destructive line is]…

When this happens, it is difficult to get back up on the horse - not because the horse is high, but because there’s such a long way to fall, if we should get up again. This is the moment it gets much easier just to throw in the towel.

Rescue 911
A way to deal with these down periods is to be your own best friend – and nothing less! Instead of being tough on yourself, you should cherish yourself. Think of what you would recommend to a good friend, or to a child, if she expressed sadness or frustration because she had failed at something. Would you be angry with her? Scold her? Or would you support her and give her comfort and trust?

Ask yourself the question: What do I need in this particular situation and how can I give this to myself? Brainstorm specific activities, sayings or people that can help you regenerate your positive and self-nurturing state of mind.

Personally, I have a rescue plan. It’s a piece of paper with things I can say to myself, a list of music I can listen to, books I can read and a number of activities I can take up. All of which are things I know make me feel good and give me back the energy to continue working on my new habits.

Remember, expat life is like a rollercoaster with many ups and downs. While it is obvious and easy to uphold yourself in the good times, it is so much more important to embrace yourself and your efforts in the more difficult and challenging hours of life. So take the time – take it now and make yourself a rescue plan for your next down day.

PS: Consider whether your plan could even serve you preventatively! 

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The Expat Wife behind Brussels Accessible Art Fair

Living your expat life to its fullest demands determination and focus on where you are going and what you want from your life abroad. For the working partner, in an expat relationship, this focus is defined and lived out through the career assignment. For the trailing spouse, however, the picture is often blurred.

This was the case for Canadian, Stephanie Manasseh, when she arrived in Brussels 5 years ago. Today, she has managed to achieve her ideal expat life. “When I arrived 5 years ago, I was not sure what to expect. I already spoke French, so I knew that it would not be too much of a challenge to communicate to Belgians. I was getting ready to start a family so was really concentrating on that.”

Although Stephanie concentrated primarily on her family, the first couple of years, she also represented her mother, who is a painter, and sold her work to friends and contacts in Belgium. “It hit me that there was a market for art for expats, as most people I knew liked art and had the spending power but never went to galleries.” When Stephanie was ready to add new elements to her life as a trailing spouse, she decided to bring art to expats.

Despite concerns of people´s reaction to her idea, Stephanie persevered to launch an untraditional art fair, combining two elements she was really excited about: art and event-making. With her interest in art and her professional experience in setting up events of various kinds, Stephanie crashed onto the art scene in 2007, with the Brussels Accessible Art Fair (BAAF).

Now established as a permanent fixture of the Brussels art scene, BAAF has given Stephanie an expat life that is fulfilling her in many ways. “I have to say that I am lucky to be doing exactly what I want to be doing… I can work from home, set up my own work schedule and take care of my family's needs at the same time. I usually set 3 hours of intensive work time aside every day. Of course before events this all changes because I need to work more, but luckily I have some wonderful support at home.”

The Brussels Accessible Art Fair is taking place from November 20-22 at the Hotel Silken Berlaymont. Thirty artists are exhibiting and selling their work and Stephanie is expecting more than 5,000 visitors!

I’ll definitely be there – will you?
 

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